I’m a compassionate (sometimes fierce, protective and funny) Recovery Road-Warrior, with 15 years of Twelve-Step Recovery experience.
I help women AMF — Avoid, Manage or Flee toxic relationships!
There’s an epidemic of bright, caring, successful women who are in love with emotionally chaotic, inconsistent, disrespectful, non-commital men.
We’re often mystified by how these amazing women can allow themselves to be treated so badly. And the fact is, they’re equally mystified by their own behavior.
My book, She Dated the Asshats, But Married the Good Guy, (which has just become AVAILABLE IN PAPERBACK) and my Love School; From Toxic Love to Real Love in 12 weeks demystify the problem for women who are attracted and addicted to toxic men.
Love School Goes Live on March, 20th 2017 (the first day of Spring). Opt-In Here to Stay Informed.
In my private coaching I offer a 4-tiered approach to help clients quit their codependent addiction to Toxic Love in order to invite Real Love.
First, I help them get clarity about what is and isn’t emotionally abusive behavior. I give single women with a bad dating history a Dating Map that helps them identify toxic behavior right up front so they can avoid these men.
Second, I ask my clients to take responsibility for what they can control by helping them identify the character traits that are keeping them stuck in their toxic situation. Self-defeating traits like:
- An Overabundance of Empathy
- Misplaced Responsibility
- Abandoning Themselves Because of Love and/or Sex Addiction
Third, I help clients build a Mental Health Village that will support them in shedding these character traits. This includes other women suffering the same circumstance, a Higher Power of their own understanding and me coaching them through my 12 unique exercises.
Fourth, using the 12 unique exercises I’ve developed in conjunction with the Twelve Steps of recovery, I help women transition out of The Problem — which is when they are consumed by resentment, a sense of hopelessness and victimization — and into The Solution — which is taking actionable tasks that empower them to set healthy boundaries, grow their self-esteem and feel fully entitled to receive Real Love.
I’m in a unique position to help these women because I’ve walked the walk.
I spent ten years in two long-term relationships where I volunteered for unwarranted criticism, inconsistency, lack of commitment and infidelity. Emotional abuse was in my lineage and I had to work a rigorous recovery program to break that cycle and attract and fall in love with my amazing husband of 16 years.
My ideal clients are women who are sick and tired of being sick and tired — I like to say:
Let Rock Bottom Be Your Jet Fuel
These women are ready to stop being martyrs and blaming their toxic guy for their miserable lives; and are ready to take responsibility for the state of their life, roll up their sleeves and get to work.
Objections You Might Have
1. He’s the one who’s behaving badly, why am I the one who has to do all the work?
What I find with client after client is that they haven’t been in just one toxic relationship. Many of them have a string of toxic relationships.
So I explain to these clients that the man they’re with isn’t the problem. He’s just a symptom of the problem. If they get rid of him they’ll most likely find another one just like him. So the only way to change their lives is to change themselves not anyone else.
2. I don’t want to develop a relationship with a Higher Power. Or God. I can’t stand religion and am probably an atheist.
My coaching isn’t based on any religion, it is, however, deeply spiritual. I tell my clients they don’t have to believe in God to rely on a Higher Power. They can simply find the most spiritual touchstones in their lives; where they recognize they are just a small, insignificant part of an unknowable whole and become humble; and turn to those touchstones for guidance.
For one client it’s The Great Smokey Mountains; for another it’s the Ocean, for another it’s her farm animals, for me it has been mentors who have passed on.
The key is Humility and knowing you get to build this relationship with the Higher Power of “Your Own Understanding.
3. My relationship’s not that bad. The next guy might be worse!
I help my client’s unearth the fears that tell them they’ve got to stay because it’s too scary to leave. I then help them release these fears and replace them with visualizations of their own life and curiosity about other possibilities.
4. What if I’m just not lovable?
I help them discover where this negative belief came from. Who instilled it. And walk them through how to shed it. I coach them to truly feel they are enough. Right now. Exactly as they are.
My recovery articles have been featured and published in magazines both off and online. Have a look at some of my most popular articles below: