What I Can Help You Do:

I’m a compassionate, fierce, protective (sometimes funny) Recovery Road-Warrior, with 15 years of Twelve-Step Recovery experience and training.

I help women and men like you define and envision exactly the love relationship you want in your life so you can manifest it.

In visualizing your best possible relationship you will rediscover your heartfelt values and begin living in them.

I will help you understand why you attract and are attracted to emotionally chaotic people. Self-awareness is always the beginning of positive change, but it’s just a beginning.

If you’re currently single, I’ll give you a Dating Map which will clarify what is and what isn’t emotionally abusive behavior. It will help you spot toxic behavior right up front so you can avoid these people.

I’ll empower you to take responsibility for your own life by identifying the self-defeating character traits that are keeping you stuck in toxic situations. Traits like:

  • An Overabundance of Empathy
  • Misplaced Responsibility
  • Rescuing
  • People-Pleasing
  • Abandoning Yourself Because of Love and/or Sex Addiction

Next I’ll give you concrete tools and actionable tasks to help you shed these self-defeating traits so you can build or re-build your self-esteem.

When your self-esteem grows you’ll find the man in your life will either treat you better or leave. (Or you might give him the boot!)

I’ll work with you on building a Mental Health Village that will support you long after our work is done, so you will always have a recovery infrastructure.

This will include members of my private Recovery Road-Warrior Facebook group, the right Twelve-Step group and a thriving relationship with a Higher Power of your own understanding even if you are an agnostic or an atheist.

I’d love show off one of my tools right now.

My book, She Dated the Asshats, But Married the Good Guy is garnering rave reviews and is already helping a slew of women and men walk the path to emotional serenity and freedom. I’m really proud of this book.

I’ve spent a year running trials with lovely clients on a new coaching program that’s launching this spring!

My Love School: From Toxic Love to Real Love in 10 Weeks! is currently LIVE. Apply for a Breakthrough Session with Shannon to see if there is space for you.

What I Believe:

  • You don’t have to be ashamed that you fall in love with narcissists or toxic men. You have a case of codependency that you caught in childhood, just like you might catch the flu. It’s not your fault and there is a cure!
  • Isolation keeps us ashamed and suffering. There is a wonderful group of ashamed, suffering folks out there just waiting to embrace you. Shared suffering can bring great healing and reignite purpose.
  • If we were as invested in our recovery as we are in our justifications for not starting recovery, we’d be living our life to maximum potential.
  • It doesn’t matter whether or not you believe a Higher Power exists, HP believes you exist and is standing at the ready to help. Call yours whatever you like. Mine is the ocean.
  • The greatest impediment to recovery and reclaiming our true selves is Pride. Humility is the launch pad to recovery.
  • You. Are. Enough. Right now, just as you are. To be loved.

My Own Path to Arriving Here:

There was THAT night. I was in year three of what turned out to be a five year relationship with a man I was insane over. And not good insane. Really sucky insane.

I didn’t think about anything but (we’ll call him) Jeffrey. Would he come over when he said he would? And what kind of mood would he be in? Sometimes he’d be mopey, or critical, or cancel plans, or flirt with other women in front of me.

If I got fed up and threatened to leave then he’d be Prince Charming. Saying and doing all the right things until he had me back and obsessed all over again.

It was exhausting.

THAT night he was supposed to come over at 10 p.m. and spend the night at my apartment because his truck needed to go to the mechanic.

The plan was I’d follow him there in my car, he’d drop his truck to the repairs department and I’d drive him to work.

10 p.m. came and went. No Jeffrey. 11 p.m. 12 p.m. You might know exactly what I’m talking about. I texted, called, no answer, no nada.

At 1 p.m. I couldn’t take it anymore.

Bounding out of bed in pajamas and slippers, it took me approximately five minutes and seven seconds to squeal to the curb of Jeffrey’s apartment building.

I slammed the car door shut, catching a glimpse of my reflection in the driver’s side window. I was startled to see a heart-palpitating, nostrils-flaring madwoman.

I gave her no mind as I compulsively speed-walked to Jeffrey’s apartment. I was unsettled to see his truck in its parking space; like a cockroach on a scoop of vanilla ice cream or some other David Lynche-ian harbinger of doom.

Next I detected a gentle flickering from Apt. 122.  I detected this because I was hunched in a Crouching Tiger, squinting through the infinitesimal cracks of his lavaliere blinds.

I discerned the melodious stylings of KWAVE wafting through the door crack against which I had my ear pressed. A little Teddy Pendergrass circa 1987 played.

I had a key to Jeffrey’s apartment and could have let myself in. But I wasn’t really sure I wanted to know what was behind that door.

I knocked.

Murmurs emanated from within. I heard the ominous shuffling of feet. The door cracked open just wide enough for Jeffrey’s face to fit.  He was more stoned than usual, his obsidian eyes opaque, with no affect.

“Jeffrey?” I squawked.

“Yes?” he responded, as if I was an anonymous court clerk delivering a summons.

“I thought you were supposed to come over to my house when I got off work?” I shrilled.

Instantly I became a woman in open sea surrounded by sharks, clutching a deflated life preserver because in Jeffrey’s flat gaze I spied nascent rebellion, a hint of cruel pleasure.

And that’s when I saw Her.

I knew, but didn’t know she’d be there, the centerpiece of this philandering scenario lit by Pottery Barn candles and scored by James Taylor’s “Mexico.”

She was sitting where I’d often slept, on Jeffrey’s futon. She was chicly-thin and wore a turquoise mid-riff top exposing a silver belly ring above skinny jeans. She had close-shorn, spiky platinum hair and exquisite eye-art that rescued her from barfly, white trash.

I wondered, peripherally, if she’d show me how to do that to my eyes? … probably I’d have to pluck my Frieda Kahlo brows more effectively …

“Who’s she?” I asked Jeffrey, whose dolorous eyes hadn’t left my face.

He opened the door slightly and gestured formally between us. “Maureen, Shannon.  Shannon, Maureen.”

“Glad to meet you,” seemed the appropriate greeting, but instead I heard my tremulous voice ask from an intergalactic distance, “Are you … dating her?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I think you better go.” It took me much longer than it should have to realize Jeffrey was talking to me. So I left.

But guess what? I dated Jeffrey for two more years! Even moving in with him. But THAT night was my rock bottom and the moment I got myself into recovery and didn’t stop until I was finally able to let that toxic love go and miraculously invite the real love of a good man who I’ve been married to for 16 years!

Let me tell you. If I could do it, anyone can do it! Especially you. xo

FAQs

1. He’s the one who’s behaving badly, why am I the one who has to do all the work?

If you have one dissatisfying or even toxic relationship after the next, then the man you’re with now is just a symptom of the problem. 

This is not to say you’re at fault for his bad behavior, but you may have a habit of selecting chaotic men, so your picker’s your problem and I can help with that.

2. I don’t want to develop a relationship with a Higher Power. Or God. I can’t stand religion and am probably an atheist.

You don’t have to believe in God to rely on a Higher Power. You can find the most spiritual touchstones in your life; where you feel you’re just a small part of an unknowable whole, and turn to those touchstones for guidance.

For one of my clients it’s The Great Smokey Mountains; for another it’s the feeling she has when she sings with her choir, for another it’s her farm animals. For me it has been mentors who have passed on and the great wide beautiful ocean.

The key is Humility and knowing you get to build this relationship with the Higher Power of “Your Own Understanding.”

3. My relationship’s not that bad. The next guy might be worse!

I will help you unearth the fears that tell you to stay in any kind of emotionally abusive relationship because it’s too scary to leave. I’ll show you how to release these fears and replace them with visualizations of your best life and curiosity about other possibilities.

4. What if I’m just not lovable?

I will help you discover where this negative belief came from. Who instilled it. And give you the tools you’ll need to shed it. 

My recovery articles have been featured and published in magazines both off and online. Have a look at some of my most popular articles below:

A Few of Shannon’s Article Clippings From Around The Web

The Huffington Post, Love & Sex, ``6 Ways to Get Off a Commitment-Phobe's Merry-Go-Round.``

The Huffington Post, Love & Sex, ``6 Ways to Get Off a Commitment-Phobe's Merry-Go-Round.``

If you’d like to read my latest on HuffPo, CLICK HERE.
The Oprah Magazine: ``The Fantasy Game That Sparked Up My Sex Life.``

The Oprah Magazine: ``The Fantasy Game That Sparked Up My Sex Life.``

I landed on The Mothership. Click Here to read!
Huffington Post Women ``10 Signs You're Dating an Asshat, 5 Ways to Avoid Them!`` 27K Facebook shares!

Huffington Post Women ``10 Signs You're Dating an Asshat, 5 Ways to Avoid Them!`` 27K Facebook shares!

If you’d like to read this article on The Huffington Post CLICK HERE.
BlogHer, How to Protect Yourself From Date Rape (A Map)

BlogHer, How to Protect Yourself From Date Rape (A Map)

To read this article on BlogHer Click Here!
Your Tango, ``The Completely Unscientific Way to Make Him Choose You Over Her!``

Your Tango, ``The Completely Unscientific Way to Make Him Choose You Over Her!``

If you’d like to read this article on Your Tango, CLICK HERE.
The Woman Formerly Known As Beautiful Flagship Asshat Recovery Program Article

The Woman Formerly Known As Beautiful Flagship Asshat Recovery Program Article

If you’d like to read this article on The Woman Formerly Known As Beautiful, CLICK HERE.
Thought Catalog, ``A Simple Mind Trick for Dealing With That Mean Person in Your Life.``

Thought Catalog, ``A Simple Mind Trick for Dealing With That Mean Person in Your Life.``

If you’d like to read this article on Thought Catalog, CLICK HERE.
Soul Anatomy, ``How Your Inner Child Can Rescue You From a Toxic Relationship``

Soul Anatomy, ``How Your Inner Child Can Rescue You From a Toxic Relationship``

If you’d like to read this article on Soul Anatomy, CLICK HERE.