Recovering from Sexual Abuse

Several years ago when I was at a particularly low point in my life; I was a failing actress in an emotionally abusive relationship, one woman's story changed the way I defined success. For seven years I was an active participant in the Al-Anon 12-step program which I credit for helping me completely turn my life around, and it was in one of these meetings that I heard Julia's (a pseudonym) story. Julia was a fair-skinned, strawberry blonde with hidden eyes and bitten down nails. She always sat in the back of this thirty to fifty person meeting. I rarely noticed her because her withdrawn, tomb-silent energy made her invisible; almost a cypher in a room of messy, emotional, larger-than-life people fighting to recover from volatile, dramatic pasts.

How to get out of an Abusive Relationship? Self-Awareness!

Asshats can squelch your Bad-Assery. You are a Badass. You just know you are. You have at least ten jets that propel you through your badass life. The problem is, when you date an Asshat, they can drain your jets. So instead of having all ten of your jets at your disposal, trying to change and control an Asshat can use up the energy from each and every one of those jets. I’ll offer myself as a case study:

Some of us think we're God because we believe we can change other people. Or we think that by changing our own behavior, we can impact and change the behavior of our partner. When we're in a functional, loving relationship with a normal, healthy adult changing our...

I have a client I'll call Josie who has had three pregnancy scares in the last year. My initial advice was fairly simple, "Start using birth control, yo!" I'd helped Josie get out of a long-term, toxic relationship so she thought that if she quit taking birth control pills she'd be less likely to have casual sex and end up in another inappropriate relationship based solely on hormones and headed nowhere fast. But sex is a sticky-wicket for we mere mortals and the temptation proved to be too much three times in the last year and because she hadn't intended to have sex, birth control was forgotten in the heat of the moment.

How to Leave a Toxic Relationship: First, Remember ...

Addiction to a person is no different than addiction to a substance.All of the same symptoms can appear:
  • Descent into a shame-spiral about the addiction.
  • An inability to control your own behavior often participating in self-destructive, compulsive and furtive activities.
  • The loss of positive relationships with other family and friends.
  • Poor performance at school or work. And the list goes on.
Beating your addiction to the Asshat isn’t just mind over matter, but the first and most essential step toward recovery does come from your mind; which is admitting to yourself (and then to another person and/or supportive group) that you have a problem.