12 Oct Week 11: ARP (The Girl Who Lived)
Over the next 10 weeks I want to share the 10 Character Traits in People who are Susceptible to Toxic or Emotionally Abusive Relationships.
But first I need to tell you the story of a girl I envied.
The Girl Who Lived
When I was dating Mr. Cruelly Handsome he told me the story of a woman he tried to date a few months before we met.
We’ll call this woman Julia.
Mr. C met Julia in a bar and was instantly attracted to her.
He came on strong, flattering her, lavishing her with attention, practically getting on his knees to beg for her phone number. She happily complied.
So Mr. C called Julia right away and scheduled a date for the following day after he got off his work shift as a paramedic at 4:30 p.m.
He told Julia he’d just have to swing home to shower up and change and would pick her up by 5:30 for dinner and clubbing. She was delighted.
4:30 p.m. rolled around the following day and Mr. C’s shift ended.
He thought about heading home to get ready for his date, but decided he should take advantage of the tools at the station to give his personal truck a quick tune-up.
It shouldn’t take long.
By about 5:30 he was still working on his truck and realized he was running late for his date with Julia.
He was making such good headway on his truck that he really didn’t want to stop just yet, so he called Julia and told her he was running a little late because, he lied, one of the medic-runs he’d gone on had kept him later than his end of shift.
But he’d pick her up at 6:30.
Of course she completely understood and looked forward to seeing him.
Mr. C hung up and decided that bought him just a little more time to finish up with his truck.
Plus a couple of his buddies who were working the shift following his, hung out with him in the garage to “shoot the shit” while he wrapped things up.
Suddenly he realized it was 6:45 p.m. and Julia was probably really wondering where he was.
Rather than feeling sheepish about losing track of time and disrespecting her time, Mr. C felt a little bit annoyed by Julia.
He didn’t like knowing she was waiting for him and this made him a little bit resentful. Even though he was the one who asked her out.
Mr. C decided he’d get there when he got there. Which was at 8 p.m.
A full two-and-a-half hours later than he was supposed to arrive.
But it was a Friday night, he reasoned, and 8 p.m. was still an early time to go out.
So Mr. C alighted from his now perfectly tuned truck and rang Julia’s doorbell. There was no answer. He rang the doorbell again. No answer.
After ringing the doorbell several times he was really ticked off. I mean who did this girl think she was, standing him up this way?
This had never happened to this strapping 6’’ 2” darkly handsome paramedic sporting his six-pack before.
He pulled out his phone and dialed Julia’s cell phone, wanting to know where she was and to give her an earful.
She answered on the first ring.
“Where are you?” he furiously asked. “I’m at your front door to pick you up for our date and you’re not even here.”
“Actually I am here,” said Julia. “But I’m not going out with you tonight or any other night, for that matter.”
“What are you talking about? I’m here. We can go out right now. I have a really romantic dinner planned.”
“Mr. C,” she said … and I envy her poise … “You’re not interested enough in me for me to be interested in you. Don’t come here again. And lose my phone number.”
I think that deserves its own photo:
This just about drove Mr. C mad. Suddenly this woman was so desirable.
He was willing to do anything she asked at any time in any amount. She told him she just wasn’t interested and wished him well.
Julia knew something in one night it took me five years in a relationship with Mr. C to figure out, that he was toxic.
So. Why was Julia able to spot the first and second toxic people Red Flags and cut bait, while I was unable?
My guess is she had incredible self esteem and didn’t have the first character trait in partners of toxic men, I’ll be covering TRAIT #1 next week, so keep an eye out.