“One of my greatest breakthroughs in Shannon’s ‘Love School’ was discovering that I was always giving and giving in my one-way relationship, not because I truly loved my man, but because I wanted to be indispensable so he wouldn’t leave me. I’ve realized I deserve better than that. I want to be loved for who I am, not what I do. Thank you, Shannon!”
How often do you use the Square Root of Pi?
Can you still remember every single sub-saharan country and fill them in on a blank map?
Who remembers what happened in Camus’, The Stranger?
Not me, that’s for sure. Finally, you’ve found the place to learn something you can actually use in your day-to-day life.
Which is how to set boundaries in (or walk away from) toxic relationships that drain your jet fuel!
Welcome to Love School!
Toxic relationships can be romantic relationships with either men or women. However, I predominantly use the male pronoun to keep things simple. But if you’re a man, feel free to replace the masculine pronoun with the feminine pronoun.
And while LOVE SCHOOL focuses on romantic relationships; many of the tools you’ll get here can also be applied to non-romantic difficult relationships with your family-of-origin or friendships or co-workers/bosses.
* Wondering why you always get stuck in the same one-way relationship where you give and give, but never get your needs met?
* Feeling ashamed of yourself because you feel the need to check up on your partner to see if he’s cheating?
* Feeling his or her bad behavior is your fault?
* Sick of being constantly criticized by your love (parent, boss) and worried that these criticisms might be true, which puts your self-esteem in the toilet?
* Worried if you leave your toxic love (family member, friend, etc.) that he or she won’t be okay?
* Dreaming of a loving, consistent, relationship that could lead to commitment, marriage and/or children, but afraid that life isn’t meant for you?
We’re going to change all that!
Your love, home and work life is a mirror of how you feel about yourself.
One example: If you think you’re unlovable, you attract people who can’t love.
This program teaches you how to change your love life by helping you identify the self-defeating beliefs and character traits that keep you stuck in cycles of emotional abuse, then helps you shed them.
You might have spent days, months, even years trying to change, control and/or cure a toxic partner. He may be the central focus of your life and the only thing you think about.
Working this program is about shifting your focus away from HIM and putting it back on YOU.
Because YOU are the only person you can change, control and cure.
I’ll train you to walk through this self-evaluation and transformation with self-compassion. Not self-criticism. You won’t push, harass, shame, or threaten yourself through this process.
Instead, you’ll work this program one day at a time with the goal of “Progress, not Perfection.”
Many of us felt we had to be perfect as children, which didn’t create self-love or serenity, and those are our ultimate goals in the relationship we have with ourselves and others.
Do these LOVE STRUGGLES sound like you?
* You have a hard time sticking up for yourself with toxic people or you do manage to stick up for yourself, but when they ice you out, you abandon yourself by crawling back for more mistreatment.
* You keep choosing the same toxic, non-commital, inconsistent, untrustworthy man (or woman) over and over again, just in a different body.
* You believe there are no “good guys/girls” out there or think the ones you’ve dated are too nice, which feels icky.
* You’ve tried therapy, counseling and even twelve-step recovery and are still no closer to the love life you want.
* You have a hidden belief that you’re fundamentally unlovable, or a superstition that you’re cursed to never be loved.
* You feel isolated and alone.
What you haven’t told anybody is that …
TIRED of giving and giving in your relationship while receiving just enough back to make you stay.
TIRED of trying to figure out how you can make your Love be more consistent and “there” for you.
TIRED of feeling used.
TIRED of your chronic anxiety, confusion, resentment and/or dread.
TIRED of attracting men or women who flake, criticize, lie and even cheat.
TIRED of obsessing about others and what they’re up to and wanting to control them.
TIRED of abandoning and being angry at yourself.
FROM TOXIC LOVE TO REAL LOVE
is a 10-week,10-module program with two different packages depending on the investment of time and energy you want to make.
“Shannon’s ‘Love School,’ based on her 15 years experience in Twelve-Step recovery, is for anyone who’s ever dated an asshat AKA a narcissist. Shannon’s modules are easy to understand and the examples she gives are very helpful in completing the homework. Shannon emphasizes treating yourself with love and compassion as you work through your codependent issues. It’s hard and emotional work, but Shannon has helped me start to heal with love, humor, and common-sense. Each week I look forward to the next module and our next conversation.”
This will be the start of shedding your codependency and taking control of your life. You’ll learn what you believe about your toxic partner and yourself and how that’s affecting what you create. Once you’re conscious of your self-defeating beliefs and character traits, you can take “Contrary Action” to change them.
What Are the Learning Outcomes of Love School?
Before: You’re attracted to people who use and disrespect you.
After: You follow a “Dating Plan” that helps you navigate dating and falling in love with healthy partners and/or learn to set boundaries with challenging people already in your life.
Before: You’re confused about what a healthy love relationship looks like.
After: You instantly recognize toxic behavior and have a clear vision of the partner or relationship you want.
Before: Deep down you believe you’re unworthy of real, committed love.
After: You believe you deserve love and feel ready for it.
Before: You’re afraid of being alone, which keeps you in toxic relationships.
After: You’ve identified your core values and live by them despite your fears.
Before: You keep trying to fix or control your romantic partner or others, but nothing works.
After: You’re aware of your controlling impulses and instead ask for what you want directly, then let go of the results. You accept that the only person you can control is yourself, and recognize behaving otherwise damages your self-esteem.
Before: You abandon yourself to please your romantic partner or others.
After: You recognize when you’re self-abandoning and instead set healthy boundaries.
Before: You feel isolated by your toxic relationship. It keeps you away from the people who really love you.
After: You’ve built a Mental Health Village that sustains you. You now have a community that supports your emotional recovery.
Before: You don’t believe in a Higher Power or feel like a Higher Power has let you down.
After: You’ve developed a powerful, spiritual connection with the Higher Power of your own Understanding. S/he does for you what you can’t do for yourself.
Before: You’re afraid to look at your childhood, or think it hasn’t negatively impacted the choices you’ve made today.
After: You’ve come out of denial and accepted your past. You understand how it affects you today, but let go of using your story to justify staying stuck. You have a clear-cut path for continuing to heal the damage done.
Before: You want to stay in your current relationship, but feel like your partner doesn’t love or respect you.
After: You respect yourself and remain dedicated to your own personal growth and recovery.
Before: You drop everything at a moment’s notice to please or rescue your romantic partner or others.
After: You allow your romantic partner and others to be responsible for their own lives.
Before: You feel like your romantic partner is just using you for sex or money or emotional support. The relationship is not reciprocal.
After: You no longer give and do for your romantic partner unless you completely feel it’s “for fun and for free.” (Which means you won’t be disappointed if it’s not returned.)
Before: You obsess and worry that your romantic partner is cheating on you.
After: You use practical tools to detach from your romantic partner to maintain your serenity, knowing more will be revealed when you’re strong enough to gain the strength to leave.
Before: You feel depressed and hopeless.
After: You have a plan and a path to recovery and know that if you work it, it will work.
Once you get clarity about the limiting beliefs and character traits that hold you back … imagine …
You’re Relaxed — You no longer “react” when your Love or others do something hurtful. You learn to “act” instead from your values and your true self, rather than your obsession or codependency. You will use tools like “The 3 A’s,” the “3 C’s,” Detachment, Contrary Action and your Mental Health Village to maintain serenity and your dignity.
You’re Energized — You’ve either shed or learned to detach from your toxic relationship/s which frees you up to discover who you are, what you like to do, what is fun for you, what you’re curious about. This could lead to new passions in travel, hobbies, work and relationships.
You Love and Forgive Yourself — You’ve come to truly understand that codependency is a disease. You treat yourself the way you would treat a loved one who has the flu; with tender care, patience, understanding, non-criticism or judgment. You work your recovery with self-compassion. And the more you love yourself, the more the disease (dis–ease) of codependency loses its grip on you.
You Have “Real Love” Now — You are aware of what you’ve tolerated and won’t tolerate it anymore. You are honest with yourself about what you truly want in a relationship and don’t settle for less. You go where the “Real Love” is, your Mental Health Village, the Higher Power of your own understanding and your healthy relationships that prepare you for a love relationship that is faithful, supportive, loving, consistent and committed.
When You Change Your Limiting Beliefs and Self-Defeating Character Traits, You Change Your Life!
“Working Shannon’s ‘Love School’ has stopped me dead in my codependent tracks. I now know what my self-destructive choices are and can’t “unknow” them. So now, when I desperately want to make a self-destructive choice (which is part of my Love addiction) Shannon has taught me to stop and write down all of my justifications for doing so. Seeing my justifications in black-and-white is like seeing a six-year old child stomping her feet because she wants candy. I realize my inner child is leading me by the nose and I have to patiently and lovingly tell her “no.” This work has been a life-changer.”
Anna Marie S.
But hold up! Who am I and how do I know how to do this?
My parents divorced when I was two-years-old. They were good people who loved and wanted me. But, both of them had wounded inner children from their own upbringings.
My mom married four times by the time I was 13, but it was her second marriage, from the time I was 4-years old until I was 9, that impacted my future love life the most.
My mom’s second husband was emotionally abusive. He lied, criticized and cheated. This caused my mom to self-medicate with wine and her justified anger sometimes turned physical.
Because my mom was codependent with her husbands she was inconsistent with me.
My way of making her “be there” for me was to try to fix her problems. This set me up for patterns of caretaking and controlling.
When my mom’s second marriage ended and she struggled to recover, I moved in permanently with my dad.
My dad’s father was a compulsive gambler and his mother was a disappointed, negative, critical woman. My father inherited some of those traits so I spent a great deal of my life trying to impress and be perfect for my dad.
Both of these circumstances set me up to love and caretake critical, inconsistent, unreliable, unfaithful and emotionally chaotic men.
Most of my 20s and early 30s were spent obsessing over, trying to fix, manipulate and control, trying trying trying to change two different toxic men.
I hit rock bottom when I caught one of them cheating on me. My visceral pain and shame drove me to Twelve-Step recovery and to work the steps as if my life depended on it. Which it did.
The Twelve Steps in combination with inner child work, goal-setting and visualization eventually turned the rudder of my Cycle-of-Emotional Abuse Titanic around.
I developed a close relationship with a Higher Power of my own understanding, built a Mental Health Village, shed toxic shame and self-defeating character traits, ferreted out limiting beliefs.
Because of this I’ve had the privilege of raising two daughters in a safe, consistent, loving, funny home with the man of my dreams. He’s my rock and I’m his. It’s my mission to help you do the same. Here’s how:
– You’ll get 10 weeks of solid content to help you master concepts like “detachment” and “contrary action” and to embrace attitudes of Willingness and Humility as you work recovery.
– You’ll receive weekly Self-Discovery Modules that walk you through specific ACTIONABLE TASKS to identify and remove self-defeating character traits and love beliefs, busting your family legacy around relationships, creating your own relationship story that helps you invite the Real Love rewards the Universe wants to send you.
– You’ll receive daily moderation of your questions in our private Recovery Road-Warrior Facebook group.
– You’ll engage in 60-minute Breakthrough Teleconferences.
– You’ll be exposed to the groundbreaking work of Melody Beattie (codependency), John Bradshaw (reclaiming and championing your inner child), Al-Anon, Codependents Anonymous and Sex-and-Love Addicts Anonymous.
– You’ll leave with a Mental Health Village in place that will sustain you long after our work together.
You’ll clear out beliefs that no longer serve you, such as …
You will be able to …
– Become a “Healthy People” magnet by letting go of old beliefs, thoughts and fears.
– Understand what your family taught you about love that’s currently sabotaging you.
– Write a new script to help you manifest a healthy, interdependent relationship.
This is not about having a chip on your shoulder about your parents. They did the best they could with the level of self-awareness and recovery they had at the time, but what they taught you is informing the way you have romantic relationships.
Your subconscious mind absorbed what your parents acted out, said and what you experienced as a child, and it will continue to play out over and over until you learn how to reprogram it. You’ll have better patterns in your life as soon as you become aware how mom and dad are still influencing you today.
We can interrupt the pattern and shift it forever.
I’ll show you how to break through your codependency so that you can marginalize or quit your toxic relationships and attract Real Love. You will map out your self-defeating traits and their subsequent codependent behaviors and take immediate steps to remove them.
WEEK ONE: Bold Love Goal & Visualization
This week you’ll “Create Your Perfect Mate” by writing down exactly what you want in a partner and in a relationship. You’ll use specific goal-setting, which will include time frame, your heartfelt values (ones you may have abandoned to be with a toxic partner) and a vision board. You’ll identify negative voices that block your progress and work with affirmations to help yourself feel worthy of your vision.
WEEK TWO: Finding Your Love Lighthouses
This week will be about seeking out role models and uncovering their secrets to success in love (work and life).
WEEK THREE: Changing Your Mode of Operation
This week is about examining how we create chaos and pain in our lives by trying to change and control people. When we accept our powerlessness we become incredibly powerful. This is also called the Admission and Acceptance step.
WEEK FOUR: Building Your Mental Health
This week is about beginning or repairing our relationship with a Higher Power, or embracing one for the first time, even if we’re agnostic or atheistic. I give you practical, actionable tasks to build this relationship. It will be a relationship you can always count on. No matter what.
WEEK FIVE: Cleaning House
This week is you’ll identify, with SELF-COMPASSION, the codependent traits and behaviors that are keeping you stuck in a cycle of emotional abuse similar to the one you witnessed growing up. Only with self-knowledge can we find the courage to change.
WEEK SIX: Releasing Toxic Shame
This week is about unearthing the fears that are making you cling to your self-defeating character traits. For instance, maybe you’re afraid if you stop abandoning your values, your toxic guy might leave. You’ll walk through those fears and begin the process of shedding them.
WEEK SEVEN: Transformation and Letting Go
This week I’ll give you practical, actionable tasks to help you let go of your self-defeating traits and will give you a method to continue doing it whenever they start cropping up again.
WEEK EIGHT: Taking Responsibility for Your Part
This week is Amends week. Often, when you are a codependent who participates in a toxic relationship, the first person you must make amends to is yourself. In particular, you will make amends to your inner child. I’ll offer you some amazing meditations to heal your inner child and to continue the privilege of loving and taking care of her.
WEEK NINE: New Way of Life
This week you’ll receive a road map of how to maintain your spiritual program. The FTLTRL program isn’t a one-stop fix, it’s a lifestyle change.
WEEK TEN: Giving Back to Keep Real Love
This week is about giving back. Once I was able to take care of myself it was no longer painful to help other people. I now know where my boundaries are. So when I give, I get a sense of my value in the world and a sense of satisfaction that I am useful.
So many of us think we’ll be happier if we can just get our needs and wants met. And it’s true, up to a point. But I’ve come to believe that genuine happiness stems for being of service in a way that is both respectful and loving to ourselves and to others.
“I began my journey with Shannon almost two years ago. An article in the Huffington Post by Shannon caught my eye about the relationship issues women face. At that time I had no idea this article or this woman would lead to tremendous change in my life.
“I’ve known there was something wrong in the way I handled myself in relationships, but could never attribute it to anything other than it was their fault. I never accepted that part of the problem was my own behavior. I began working one-on-one with Shannon shortly after that. I have tried talking with counselors and other specialists in the past, but none had the impact like she did with me.
“It was different with Shannon because she could relate to exactly what I was going through. She had been in the same tough spot, making the same bad decisions about men herself earlier in her life. I needed a positive woman to show support and consideration for my situation.
“I found I quickly trusted in her knowledge, and I immediately began to implement some of the tools she gave me in my life. It’s not been an easy road or one for the faint of heart. She has stood by me, supported me, and showed me compassion to help me keep going on the path to recovery.
“I can say now, months later, since I read that first article that my life is so much better off. I’ve been able to ground myself in relationships, make healthier decisions for myself, and boot the toxic men in my life. I look forward to all the future progress I have yet still to make as I now work ‘Love School’ with Shannon’s support!”
— Cheri T.
This program is right for you if:
- You’re ready to roll up your sleeves and work the 10 modules to the best of your ability.
- You’re ready to stop blaming other people for your unhappiness, to take back your power and be in charge of your life.
- You’re ready to set healthy boundaries in your current relationship and to take responsibility only for yourself; not for your partner.
- You’re ready to build a relationship with a Higher Power, a Mental Health Village and yourself first. The right man will arrive thanks to those relationships.
- You’re willing to remove all the blocks/beliefs and ways you sabotage yourself in relationships.
- You’re sick and tired of being sick and tired and are ready to find happiness in serenity, rather than “love” in drama.
This program isn’t for you if:
- You prefer to complain without doing anything to change your situation.
- You’d rather feel helpless than look at how you create your own reality.
- You believe that you have bad luck and you can’t find a good man no matter what.
- You’d rather hang on to your pride than adapt an attitude of willingness and humility about changing your situation.
- You’d rather be right than happy.
- You aren’t ready to face the fears that keep you acting and reacting co-dependently.
- You think you can still change your partner if you just try harder and because you think you know what’s best for him.
- You don’t want to break through to the freedom that’s waiting!
Frequently Asked Questions
1. I don’t want to leave my relationship. Are you going to make me?
No. In fact, I tell most clients not to make any drastic changes until they feel certain they’re ready to do so.
Many clients decide to stay in their relationships because they know how to set healthy boundaries and in doing so often find their partner becomes healthier with them. It doesn’t always happen that way, but it can.
2. He’s the one who’s behaving badly, why am I the one who has to do all the work?
What I find with client after client is that they haven’t been in just one toxic relationship. Many of them have suffered through a string of toxic relationships.
I explain to these clients that the man they’re with isn’t the problem. He’s just a symptom of the problem. If they get rid of him they’ll most likely find another one just like him. So the only way to change their lives is to change themselves – not anyone else.
3. I don’t want to develop a relationship with a Higher Power. Or God. I can’t stand religion and am probably an atheist.
My coaching isn’t based on any religion. It is, however, deeply spiritual. I tell my clients they don’t have to believe in God to rely on a Higher Power.
They can simply find the most spiritual touchstones in their lives; where they recognize they are just a small, insignificant part of an unknowable whole and become humble; and turn to those touchstones for guidance.
For one client it’s The Great Smokey Mountains; for another it’s the Ocean, for another it’s her farm animals, for me it has been mentors who have passed on.
The key is Humility and knowing you get to build this relationship with the Higher Power of “Your Own Understanding.”
4. My relationship’s not that bad. The next guy might be worse!
I help my clients unearth the fears that tell them they’ve got to stay because it’s too scary to leave. I then help them release these fears and replace them with visualizations of their own life and curiosity about other possibilities.
5. What if I’m just not lovable?
I help you discover where this negative belief came from. Who instilled it. And walk you through how to shed it. I coach you to truly feel you are enough. Right now. Exactly as you are.
6. Do I Have to Finish This Program in 10 Weeks?
No. I can be flexible. Some of you may want to hit this hard and finish in 10 weeks, others will need a little more time to do the work and allow you to absorb the new ideas and epiphanies that will come. When it comes to working with me I adopt the Twelve-Step mantra of “Progress, not Perfection.”
This is not a quick-fix dating course. From Toxic Love to Real Love is a spiritual course for long-term success and happiness.
Other courses can give you practical tips and strategies for dating smart; especially with regards to online dating. And I’m all for it.
But those tips and strategies won’t work if your subconscious mind and generational codependent patterns are sabotaging you; causing you to pick the same kind of toxic guy and end up in the same kind of toxic relationships over and over again.
Maybe you’ve experienced this already – no matter what dating tips you use – it just doesn’t work.
This is because your subconscious mind and unconscious patterns are in CONFLICT with what you want!
Until you learn how to unearth these unconscious beliefs, fears and patterns and let go of long-held childhood coping mechanisms – they will continue sabotaging you.
The good news is there is a path to turn this around. That’s what you’ll learn in Love School.
Plus, you will:
Imagine what it would feel like to be in a relationship where you actually feel cherished.
I know it’s possible, because I have several role models who are in relationships that withstand the buffeting of life and continue to nurture Real Love.
I know it’s possible, because I am in a (now 16-year) marriage where both of us cherish the other.
Don’t get me wrong; we get annoyed with each other, are stressed out by life’s many challenges, go in and out of physical closeness, but we recognize that marriage is a verb we use every single day.
We’re a team which, if you could be a fly on the wall of my previous drama-filled relationships, you would know is practically a miracle!
100% Risk Free Guarantee!
I want you to know that I believe so much in my class and what you will get out of it that I have put in place a 100% risk-free, 30-day money back guarantee.
If you do your part and attend the classes, do the homework, and participate in the exercises, and still find that this class doesn’t help you after 30 days, then I don’t want to keep your money.
What I Can’t Promise
I can’t promise that in just 10 weeks I can get you out of your toxic relationship and into a relationship with your soulmate. Both of those things are entirely possible, of course – but they’re yours to define & control.
What I CAN promise is this:
When you work this program, you’ll absorb the most powerful, spiritual & neurological tools to transform your beliefs about yourself and about love.
And when you transform your beliefs, your behaviors come along for the ride. That’s how lasting change works – it becomes a life practice.
Take one courageous step towards self-love, self-forgiveness, empowerment, emotional sobriety and freedom by enrolling in Love School.
“Doing the work in Module Five, Cleaning House, where I took stock of all of my codependent traits and how I use them self-destructively in my most intimate relationships was mind-blowing. I now feel like I have seen what’s going on under the hood and that that I have the tools to fix the dysfunction. Thank you, thank you Shannon for showing me how I’ve been getting in my own way! I feel hopeful for the first time in my life!”
Yes Shannon! I want to stop trying to control my man, take control of my life and Invite Real Love!
Disclaimer: This program is a resource designed to assist you in transforming your love relationships. Shannon Colleary is not a licensed psychologist, but a master coach and relationship mentor to women. Purchasing this product does not guarantee that you will find your perfect partner. Your personal level of success and results from using this product depend upon the time you devote to the program, ideas and techniques. Since these factors differ among individuals, we cannot guarantee your success, and we make no guarantees that you will achieve results similar to those featured in any case studies or testimonials. As with any product or service, there is an inherent risk of loss of capital.