16 Mar 10 Down-and-Dirty Men to Spring Clean from Your Life!
Who says Spring cleaning is just for your home or your wardrobe? Sometimes we have to look at the Loves in our lives and determine if they need to get the boot! Here are my 10 types of men to avoid while dating.
If you recognize these types it’s time to get out the dust buster suck them up and throw them out!
1. Mr. Need-for-Speed
This is the Lothario who sees you across a crowded room and it’s Love At First Sight. He wants you, he needs you, he wants to move fast.
At first you might even feel a little smothered by this guy.
What’s his deal? Why is he trying to shake you up and turn you into Instant Girlfriend?
But, you can’t help feeling flattered and eventually you go with it, have sex and maybe even fall in love. That’s when all hell breaks loose.
As soon as you’re convinced he’s a good bet and decide to invest in the relationship he freaks out, ices you out and runs as fast as he can, leaving you dazed and confused.
He might even be confused by his own behavior. Chances are this is a guy who wants committed love, but his Fear of Engulfment kicks in and he’s got to go.
Send anyone who tries to snort you like a drug to the trash bin.
2. Mr. Caution/Continue-at-Your-Own-Risk
This is the guy who wears his dysfunction on his sleeve.
He tells you right up front that he had a terrible childhood he barely survived.
He’s never been Lucky in Love because he always ends up with neurotic, needy women who demand too much that he’s just not able to fulfill.
Sensible women can walk away from a guy like this. But for many of us this guy is catnip because he’s a challenge.
Sure, he’s a Bad Boy, but it’s only because he’s broken. The love of a good woman could heal him and turn him into a committed, appreciative man! Just watch us tame him!
Plus, there’s nothing sexier in bed than a dark, brooding, broken boy. Danger Danger! Turn back and find hot sex somewhere else!
When a man warns you that he’s Trouble, he is Trouble. And no woman can fix a broken man. He’s the only one who can do that, and why should he when women line up to take care of him?
3. Mr. Mopes-A-Lot
This is the guy who resists doing anything for you or the relationship.
He especially doesn’t want to get to know your friends, family or anyone who truly loves you.
He makes a lot of excuses. He’s to stressed out at work, he’s shy, he loves just hanging out inside where you can serve him food and sex.
The truth is he actually knows he’s not treating you well and realizes your loved ones will sense it.
When you finally do manage to get him to an event where you are representing yourselves as a couple, he falls completely silent.
He’s like the Black Hole of Calcutta. Only answering questions monosyllabically, if at all.
It’s incredibly infuriating, but it’s good information. He’s sending you a clear signal, “We are not a couple.” Turn the fire hose on this one to wash him out the door.
4. Mr. I’m-Mad-at-You-for-You-Being-Mad-at-Me-When-I-Act-Like-a-Jerk
This is the guy who does something sketchy, like showing up two hours late for your date, not calling when he said he would, canceling important plans with you at the last minute, or overtly flirting with another woman in front of you.
Then, to add insult to injury, he gets mad at you, because you got mad at him for being an asshat.
This is when he bails and goes incommunicado for a long period of time until finally you’re the one who must apologize to get things back on track.
5. Mr. One-Way Street
He has needs, but you can’t have any. For instance:
He asks favors: Can you pick up his laundry? Can you do his laundry? Can you type up a report for him at the last minute even though you need to get to work?
But, if you ask him to just be on time for a date he acts like you’re asking him to drywall your entire apartment.
Or everything you do together is on his terms. He needs to stay in tonight with you, rather than taking you to a great dinner like he promised because he had a tough day at work.
Or he needs sex, but offers no commitment. Everything is on his terms at all times.
6. Mr. You-Suck
Once this guy knows he’s got you hooked he slowly but surely begins a Campaign of Criticism.
It may begin with teasing. Little comments about your body, “Is that a tummy roll I see?” “Have you ever thought of maybe, growing your hair out? It might look better if you did.”
Then escalates to criticisms about your behavior, “You talk too loud in public, it’s kind of embarrassing,” “You kind of came off as an airhead,” until it escalates to full-blown character assassination, “You’re too needy, clingy, neurotic,” “You’re paranoid if you think I’m cheating” (even when there’s good evidence he is).
Guys like this want control. They want you to fill their emotional and sexual needs while making you feel so inadequate that you don’t feel entitled to have any needs at all.
7. Mr. KGB Agent
Don’t ask this guy too much or he may have to kill you.
He doesn’t want you anywhere near his phone, tablet, or computer.
He doesn’t want you to see any texts he’s receiving or overhear conversations he’s having on the phone and will often walk away and close a door to have more privacy.
There is absolutely NO WAY he will ever give you a key to his apartment.
And when you confront him and ask if he’s dating other women he will absolutely deny it. He tells you he doesn’t like it when you’re paranoid, nosey, pushy, it really turns him off and makes him want to walk.
He says if you could just trust him and give him his privacy, then eventually he will trust you and give you more access. (Many women wait patiently like little cocker spaniels for that access for years… and it never comes.)
8. Mr. Lies-When-He-Doesn’t-Even-Have-To
This guy is incredibly confusing. You can never be sure he’s ever telling the truth.
It makes sense that he might lie about the fact he’s still seeing his old girlfriend on the side and maybe others too, (His profile is still up on Match. You saw a text from another woman.), but as you’re trying to get to the bottom of the big lies you realize he even lies about things that aren’t controversial; like where his gym is, or what his job entails, or when his parents divorced, or when he actually lost his virginity.
This is a guy who lies so much he actually has no idea why he does it and may even believe his own lies.
9. Mr. We’re-Just-Friends
This is the guy who has a lot of girl “friends.” He says you shouldn’t be threatened by him having friends of the opposite sex.
If you have a problem with it, it’s your own insecurity and neuroses, it’s not the fact that his girl “friends” are really hot, that he lies about when he sees them and where, that he doesn’t want to include you in the friendship he has with other women and that he goes on the attack to discredit you so he can continue having these “friendships.”
10. Mr. Lazarus
This is the guy who tells you he loves you, that he’s monogamous and committed, that he thinks you’re awesome. And when he does the exact opposite of loving you in a faithful, committed way and you finally get the strength to leave, he senses it.
Suddenly he bombards you with a “Love” campaign, crying and promising he’s changed and it will never happen again!
FYI. It will happen again. The only way to ditch this down-and-dirty guy is to call Orkin and have them fumigate him right the heck out of your life. Or try some of my tried and true Recovery Tools.