Week 5: ARP (4th Red Flag – Avoids Making Plans)

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Hello Relationship Warrior, welcome to week 5 of The Asshat Recovery Program.

If this is your first visit and you want to start from the beginning CLICK HERE.

This week, I reveal the 4th Red Flag you might be dating an Asshat and need to run for your life in order to find Real Love!

While women are more than capable of being non-commital, mind-messing Asshats, because I’m a woman and, sadly, not gay, I will use the male pronouns (he, him) to refer to the Asshat. Just substitute “she” and “her” when applicable.

Drumroll Please.


He never wants to meet your Friends, Family and Avoids Making Plans; especially to important events where you will present yourself as a couple; like weddings, holidays or vacations.

Once the honeymoon phase in the relationship is over, and the intense sexual bonding is complete, you find it almost impossible to get your boyfriend to commit to any kind of planned event.

He makes lots of excuses about why he doesn’t want to go.

Maybe he says he wants to “take things slow” or is “socially shy” or is “too tired, too over-worked, too stressed out, too…”

Well. You get the picture.

The truth is, in the words of relationship author, Greg Behrendt, “He’s just not that into you.”

  • Or he may be incapable of committed love.
  • Or maybe he is in love with you, but knows he’s damaged and is going to screw things up and break your heart.
  • He also knows that your friends and family will sense this and see him for the Asshat he really is, which is why he won’t commit to making plans with them.

During this phase of your relationship, (which could last a very long time, depending on your Asshat pain threshold) you’re most likely to see your lover when he just happens to be in the neighborhood and drops by.

Or when you’ve finally had enough of his shenanigans and pull away from him.

Then he comes running to find you and lavish you with the attention you’ve been craving.

He’ll do anything you want him to do, including making plans.

That is, until he knows he’s got you back.

Then his resistance to making plans rears its ugly head again, but this time it’s even stronger. And you’ve become weaker and less insistent.

You’re beginning to accept less and less in the relationship, because your self-esteem takes a hit every time you take him back hoping for better treatment.

You’re most likely addicted to the Asshat at this juncture. And when we’re addicted to something or someone and we use again, we essentially betray ourselves.


I want you to pull out a pen and your Asshat Recovery Program Notebook to write, because writing brings Self-Awareness, which is the beginning of change.

And it’s not your Asshat you need to change. It’s you.

So I want you to make a list of all the ways you’ve betrayed yourself in your toxic relationship.

Be painstakingly honest, leaving nothing out.

Then share your list with a trusted advisor.

Because we’re only as sick as our secrets. And once we have no more secrets we can begin the journey to recovery and changing ourselves for the better.

Don’t forget to opt-in to my Newsletter so you don’t miss any of my 28-week free online Asshat Recovery tutorial. xo S

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