Why I Can Help
First and foremost I’m an ICF-approved Certified Professional Life Coach.
But what makes me particularly astute in relationship recovery is that I faced a lot of the same turmoil as my clients and walked the walk into a now 16-year marriage with a man I never dared dream I’d have in my life.
(I learned how to set healthy emotional boundaries and love this little chiquita.)
My parents divorced when I was two-years-old. They were good people who loved and wanted me. But, both of them had wounded inner children from their own upbringings.
My mom married four times before I was 14, but it was her second marriage, from the time I was 4-years old until I was 9, that impacted my future love life the most.
My mom’s second husband was emotionally abusive. He lied, criticized and cheated. This caused my mom to self-medicate with wine and her justified anger sometimes turned physical.
Because my mom, in admittedly pop psychology jargon, was enmeshed and codependent with her husbands, she was unpredictable and inconsistent with me.
My way of making her “be there” for me was to try to fix her problems. This set me up for patterns of caretaking, controlling and my very own enmeshment and codependency tendencies.
When my mom’s second marriage ended and she struggled to recover, I moved in permanently with my dad.
(One of my core values was to laugh more. Our marriage has the normal challenges; money, aging, teenage eye-rolling daughters, when’s the last time we had sex? But boy can we laugh.)
My dad’s father was a compulsive gambler and his mother was a disappointed, negative, critical woman. My father inherited some of those traits so I spent a great deal of my life trying to impress and be perfect for my dad.
Both of these circumstances set me up to love and caretake critical, inconsistent, unreliable, unfaithful and emotionally chaotic men.
Most of my 20s and early 30s were spent obsessing over, trying to fix, manipulate and control, trying trying trying to change two different toxic men.
I hit rock bottom when I caught one of them cheating on me. My visceral pain and shame drove me into life-altering therapy and a spiritual recovery program. I worked my recovery as if my life depended on it. Which it did.
I took responsibility for my own life in the present, giving up my beloved martyr/victim role in order to end my “Learned Helplessness” and took note of and worked on releasing and replacing my Limiting Fears and Self-Defeating Beliefs.
Because of my hard work I’ve had the privilege of living in my core values and achieving my personal vision.